Friday, January 09, 2009

I Have a Confession to Make

I'm afraid.

Yes, the woman who coaches other people on how to get past fear and live a life that brings them joy is letting her own fears hold her back. Now, how lame is that???

"What are you afraid of?" you may ask. I am afraid of being responsible for all that running my own coaching business entails - the accounting, incorporation and legal issues, and all that fun tax stuff. It scares the crap out of me! Not only does it scare the crap out of me, it's held me back considerably.

Part of it stems from some long-held, at least somewhat irrational beliefs that I have about myself and my ability to manage this type of stuff. Somewhere, buried under a bunch of stuff, is the belief that I am incapable of managing business finances. Granted, my own personal finances aren't always the best measure of how well I can manage things. However, did I mention that my day job is primarily handling finance and accounting for an entire department within the company that I work for? Did I mention that I worked in Corporate Finance & Accounting for over seven years, and was responsible for managing client project financials for a business unit that involved over two million dollars a month in revenues, financial forecasts, all of the invoicing and accounts receivable, Sarbannes-Oxley requirements and (gasp!) annual budgets? Did I mention that, as far as I know, I handled this all quite capably?

So then, why does the thought of managing my own business financials scare me? I think it's because at some point, I was told rather repeatedly, that I could never handle my money. So, I need to do a bit of self-coaching (and maybe some EFT work as well) in this area. The basic underlying belief is that I can't manage my finances, which, if I ask myself "Is it true?", at some level, I have to say "Yes". However, if I ask myself "Is it always true?", the answer is definitely "No". Can I think of times when it has definitely not been true? Absolutely! I've lived on my own and managed to keep a roof over my head and food on the table (and on the floor in a few food bowls as well) for over 15 years! Granted, there have been some lean times, and some periods where I've had to juggle a few bills, but I've come through it, and I'm still here.

So, as I commented today on Jennifer Louden's blog, this is the year I work on overcoming that fear and getting past the paralysis!

2 comments:

Lynne said...

Hi!

I found your blog through Jen Louden's... saw your comment and COMPLETELY identified with it! I could tell you stories that would curl your toes. I have my own interior design business (left the corporate world in 2007), and am paralyzed with fear surrounding all of the administrative aspects of the business. Which unfortunately means that many times I procrastinate many things that should definitely not be procrastinated on!

I just wanted you to know that there are others out there who are cheering you on... and I am certainly one. I think that those of us going on this little journey through life need to root for each other, don't you?

Good luck with your resolution... I'm trying to find a place that is peaceful enough for me to begin to take even a baby step toward completing some of the things that I desperately need to do!

Hilary said...

You can do this thing!

One helpful comment on my blog said: "I found it really helpful when I began to see myself as someone who was responsible with money." Whereas when she saw herself as a person who was irresponsible with money, she tended to fulfill that prophecy. Best of luck to you!

 
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